My hands were shaking and my heart was thumping. I felt unable to walk far and my head was spinning. The doctor took one look at the form I filled out and told me that I was suffering from acute stress, sometimes called burnout.
Two days before I had been in the office yelling at my boss and crying. Not being aware of all the things going on in my life, he had asked me to take on a whole new job. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t care for my family without the support of our extended family around us, support my husband’s ministry, do some extra Bible college studies, support the other missionaries around me, and now take on extra responsibilities in the office.
By trying to be the perfect missionary mum, I had hurt myself both emotionally and physically. For the next 6 weeks I struggled to get off the couch. I had to slowly rebuild my life in a way that was manageable for me.
I spent time with a psychologist working out the causes of my stress and how I needed to change so that I could bring my stress under control. I went for frequent long walks and found the exercise helped to bring my adrenaline down. I read novels and stopped thinking about ministry for a while. I dropped my Bible college studies. I stopped mentoring people.I didn’t go into the office or answer emails.
Other people had to pick up all the things that I dropped and Steve had to do a lot of caring for the kids in those first few weeks. My stress didn’t just impact me, it impacted everyone around me.
I also found that in the years since I had burnout, I’m now more susceptible to stress. The adrenaline rises faster than it did before and I get emotional more quickly. It would have been so much better if I had avoided burnout in the first place!
So, how can we avoid burnout and build resilience?
Build and maintain good relationships
Make sure you have good people around you to do life with. Friends and family who can listen to you when you need to talk or offer help when you need a hand. Missionary life usually means moving away from this support base so you need to be more intentional about relationships. You need to build close relationships on the field as well as keep relationships going with people back home. Both types of relationships require an investment of time and effort but are essential for sustaining yourself in ministry.
Invest in your physical health
Look after yourself physically. Take time to exercise, eat healthy food, and see a doctor when you need to. Neglecting your own physical needs (even to care for your family’s needs) will lead to getting run down.
Know your capabilities and strengths
Be realistic about your capabilities! It helps to know your strengths and weaknesses and to find a role that is a good fit. When you do a ministry that is a good fit, you find it more rewarding even if there are many challenges along the way.
Learn to say no
Knowing your capabilities also helps you to say no to things that are too much for you. There are many many good things that can be done in ministry, but no one person can do them all. Learning to say “no” is an essential skill to have.
Take time to process
Give yourself time to process what is going on around you. We all need buffer zones in our day where we take a short time just to step back and think through what is happening, or just have a short break before taking on the next thing.
I’ve learnt not to have meetings back to back but always try to have a 10 min break between dealing with different issues.
I also take time out as I move between family and work so that I can switch my head from one thing to another. That is easier working in an office because I can use the time it takes to drive. When I was a mum working from home I was much more likely to write an email while cooking dinner. Either the email or the dinner didn’t get my full attention!
Rest well
Learn to rest well. God created rest on the 7th day for a reason. Our bodies and minds need it. Having good sleep patterns helps but we also need time away from work and ministry to be refreshed. Hobbies, a good book, time with friends or family doing something fun – anything that helps fill you up and enjoy the world God has given us.
Spend time with God
Take the time to be with God. This will help to put everything into His perspective. One of the biggest things we can rely on to reduce stress is remembering that God is the one in control, not us. That He is good and can be trusted even in tough times.
When you are ministering to people in difficult circumstances it can be easy to lose sight of these things. Reading the Bible, prayer and biblical meditation as well as practising other spiritual disciplines can all help us overcome our missionary desire to save the world. Instead, we can rest in the fact that God is in control.
Next steps
- Do a resilience test and assess where your stress levels are at right now. https://www.psychometrictest.org.uk/resilience-test/
- Read over the above points again. Which ones might be lacking for you right now?
- Put together a plan for how you might change your lifestyle to include all of these things. What do you need to stop doing? What do you need to start doing? (Search online for a personal change plan if you need help setting goals and making changes.)
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. – John 15:5
Ask yourself:
Why do I feel obligated to do so many things?
Whose expectations am I trying to meet?
What would happen if I didn’t meet those expectations?
Am I trying to do God’s work for Him?
